B.C. Man’s Sasquatch-Hunting Hobby Squashes Spousal Support Dreams in Epic Courtroom Smackdown

In a plot twist straight out of a bizarre wilderness reality show, a British Columbia man’s tireless quest to prove the existence of Sasquatch has backfired spectacularly, costing him spousal support in his divorce. A B.C. Supreme Court judge recently ruled that if he can trek through the remote forests of Vancouver Island looking for a mythical ape-man, then surely he can hold down a job that doesn’t involve chasing cryptids through the underbrush.

The 57-year-old aspiring Bigfoot expert (whose name has been withheld to protect him from further ridicule) found himself in the courtroom not for a breakthrough discovery, but for a spousal support claim that hinged on his apparent inability to work. His soon-to-be ex-wife, however, had other ideas, claiming that his so-called disability hadn’t stopped him from embarking on epic sasquatch-seeking adventures, armed with nothing but a quad bike, fishing rod, and what we can only assume was an overinflated sense of self-confidence.

The couple's marriage came crashing down in August 2020, when, in a stroke of relationship-ending genius, our fearless hunter decided to embark on a Sasquatch-hunting trip and brought along his ex-girlfriend for good measure. “The respondent was extremely upset by this,” wrote Justice Robin Baird, who probably had to suppress a chuckle while typing the verdict. “Before the claimant returned home, she fired off a text to him declaring that their marriage was over.” And just like that, the love story ended, not with a whimper, but with an ex-girlfriend and a tent in the middle of nowhere.

The Tragic Backstory

But wait! this isn’t just about misguided priorities and bad relationship decisions. No, our intrepid cryptid hunter insisted that his financial struggles stemmed from a tragic mishap years earlier during yet another sasquatch-related excursion. In 2016, while staying at a hotel in the tiny village of Sayward, he heroically slipped on an icy staircase and suffered injuries so severe they left him with chronic pain and, apparently, no ability to seek employment.

Except, as the judge helpfully pointed out, he seems to have no trouble barreling through the B.C. wilderness, riding quads, hunting, and exploring activities that seem suspiciously similar to actual jobs people get paid for. “The claimant continues to enjoy camping, fishing, hunting, riding ‘quad’ motorcycles, and exploring remote areas of B.C. in search of sasquatch,” noted the judge, in what may be the most Canadian legal ruling of all time.

The “Gifted” Genius Defense

In his defense, the man presented an argument rarely seen outside of a sci-fi convention, his superior intellect. According to court records, the man “testified with some pride” that he had been classified as a “gifted” student back in school and had repeatedly reminded the court of his “far above average” intelligence. One can only imagine the judge's struggle to keep a straight face as he pointed out that perhaps someone of his brilliant mind could, in fact, figure out how to land a desk job that doesn’t require monster tracking.

Baird acknowledged that the man might not be fit for physically demanding work anymore, but gently pointed out that he’s made zero effort since 2016 to seek any kind of employment that might actually match his self-proclaimed intellectual prowess. A simple job application, it seems, is a challenge greater than finding an eight-foot-tall mythical ape in the woods.

Follow the Money

Despite claiming he was financially struggling, the court discovered that Mr. Sasquatch Seeker was living off a healthy mix of federal disability payments, provincial assistance, and a sweet $350,000 settlement he received after his dramatic hotel staircase tumble. Unfortunately, instead of investing in a financially stable future, he seems to have poured his time and resources into the pursuit of Bigfoot, leaving his ex-wife to foot the real-life bills.

Ultimately, the judge ruled against his plea for spousal support, effectively telling him to swap his binoculars for a resume. In a merciful twist, no legal costs were awarded to either party, because let's be honest, both of them have probably been through enough.

Lessons Learned (Or Not)

And so, the legend of the Sasquatch-Hunting Husband comes to an end—at least in the courtroom. As for his ongoing wilderness adventures, it remains unclear if he'll finally capture footage of Bigfoot or just continue documenting suspiciously blurry tree stumps.

Meanwhile, the rest of us can take solace in the fact that, while we may not have the courage to dedicate our lives to chasing mythical beasts, at least we know better than to bring our exes on remote camping trips.

4o