Florida Man Rides Alligator to Work to Save on Gas Amidst Soaring Inflation

Orlando, Florida – As the cost of gas skyrockets under the new economic policies since Trump’s re-inauguration, one Florida man has found a way to beat the system—by riding an alligator to work.

Jason “Gator Jake” Thompson, a 37-year-old handyman from Orlando, has become a local legend after neighbors caught him on video straddling a 10-foot alligator, holding a makeshift set of reins, and cruising down the highway at a steady 7 mph. His justification? “Gas is $6.79 a gallon, and I ain’t paying that when I got a perfectly good swamp Uber.”

The ‘Gator Express’

Jake, who claims he “grew up wrestlin’ gators before I could walk,” spent weeks training his reptilian steed—whom he affectionately named “Big Chomp”—to follow simple commands. Using a combination of raw chicken treats and the occasional head pat, he has taught the gator to carry him 2.3 miles to his construction job every morning.

“It’s slow, yeah, but this sucker don’t need gas, and parking’s easy—I just let him sit in the pond outside the Waffle House,” he boasted.

Local police have warned Jake about riding a live alligator on public roads, citing potential safety violations. But according to Jake, “It ain’t illegal if you don’t get caught, and gators ain’t got no license plate to track.”

Extreme Couponing—Florida Style

In addition to his reptilian rideshare, Jake has also devised two more money-saving schemes involving alligators, proving that desperation is the mother of absurdity:

1. “Gator Guard” – A Home Security System with Teeth

   After canceling his home security subscription due to rising costs, Jake strategically placed three alligators in his front yard and driveway to deter burglars. The setup includes one gator near the mailbox, one in the bushes, and another directly on the welcome mat.

   “Ain’t nobody stealing my Amazon packages when they gotta dodge Chompy, Snapper, and Mr. Bitey,” he said proudly.

   So far, his strategy appears to be working—not only has crime dropped, but even the mailman refuses to deliver his bills anymore, which he considers a win.
   

   

2. “Swamp-Powered Water Heater” – Renewable Energy, Florida Man Style

   Struggling with rising utility bills, Jake has ditched his traditional water heater and now bathes exclusively in a backyard swamp, where the local alligator population serves as a natural heat source.

   “Them gators stay warm in the winter, so I just jump in there with ‘em and let nature do the work,” he explained.

   Despite his claims of success, his neighbors have expressed concerns about his late-night ‘hot tub sessions,’ particularly the part where he feeds the gators raw chicken while soaking among them.

   “Last week, I saw him just floating out there with a Coors Light and a rubber duck,” one neighbor said. “I think he’s lost his mind.”

   

Florida Officials Warn Against ‘Gator-Based Budgeting’

The Florida Wildlife Commission has issued an official statement warning residents that using alligators as an alternative to gas, security, and energy is ‘highly discouraged’ and carries significant legal risks, not to mention an elevated risk of losing limbs.

Meanwhile, Jake remains unfazed.

“This inflation is killin’ the average man,” he said. “But alligators? They’ve been free since the dinosaurs. I’m just workin’ the system.”

Stay tuned for updates on whether Jake makes it through the summer with all ten fingers.