Florida Man Story: ‘Kill ‘Em with Kindness’ Takes Disturbing Turn as Pensacola Man Wields ‘Kindness’ Machete

Pensacola, Florida – A man in Florida has redefined the meaning of "random acts of kindness" after allegedly threatening his neighbors with a machete he had lovingly labeled “Kindness.”

Bryan Duane Stewart, a 30-year-old Pensacola resident, was arrested after a heated confrontation with his neighbors turned into an armed standoff. According to witnesses, Stewart had been loudly causing a commotion inside his home for hours, prompting a neighbor to knock on his door and politely ask him to keep it down due to a sleeping infant next door.

Stewart did not take kindly to the request. Instead, he reportedly emerged from his house, wielding a machete with the word “Kindness” carved into the blade and shouting, “I’m gonna kill ‘em with kindness!” Alarmed by his ominous wordplay, the neighbors retreated and called the police.

By the time law enforcement arrived, Stewart had already made further threats to multiple people outside his home. Officers noted that he smelled strongly of alcohol and appeared to be in an altered state. Attempts to de-escalate the situation failed when Stewart, still clutching “Kindness,” made a sudden movement toward one of the officers. A swift takedown ensued, with police wrestling him to the ground and securing the machete before anyone could be harmed.

In his police report, Stewart offered little explanation beyond repeating his ominous phrase. “I meant what I said,” he told officers before being booked into the county jail.

Stewart now faces multiple charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, and disturbing the peace. As for the infamous machete, it is currently being held as evidence, though authorities suspect its ironic inscription will make it a legend in Florida crime lore.