International Headline: “France Bans Daylight Savings, Declares War on Clocks”

France has made headlines once again by officially banning daylight savings time, marking a bold stand against what President Emmanuel Macron calls “the tyranny of the clock.” In a dramatic press conference, Macron shattered a giant clock with a baguette, proclaiming, “Time is a construct, but French mornings are sacred.” The announcement has sparked outrage across Europe, with neighboring countries accusing France of acting like it invented time itself.

A Battle Against Time

The decision has thrown international schedules into chaos, as train timetables, airline flights, and global meetings struggle to adjust to France’s new “timeless” stance. Parisian cafés, however, are thriving, introducing “eternal brunch” menus to cater to citizens who no longer care when breakfast ends. One café owner stated, “Finally, we can enjoy croissants without the oppressive ticking of the clock.”

Critics warn that the move could lead to economic turmoil, with the EU threatening to impose sanctions for what it calls “flagrant time tourism.” Meanwhile, French citizens are reportedly embracing their newfound sovereignty over time. Crowds have gathered in major cities, chanting, “Liberté, égalité, pas de montre!” (“Freedom, equality, no watches!”) while smashing their alarm clocks in solidarity.

Economists are divided on the long-term effects of the policy. Some argue that productivity will plummet, as no one will know when to start or end work. Others believe this could usher in a golden age of creativity, with people freed from the constraints of rigid schedules. Either way, France has once again proven that it’s willing to take bold, baguette-wielding steps to defend its way of life.