Trump Imposes Tariffs, Then Realizes America Doesn’t Actually Make Anything Anymore

After fleecing the crypto community with a series of cash grab coins, the In a bold move reminiscent of his first term, former President Donald Trump announced a sweeping new round of tariffs on imported goods, vowing to "bring manufacturing back to America" and "make tariffs great again." The plan, which includes a 25% tax on everything from electronics to toilet paper, was initially met with enthusiastic applause from his supporters. However, the celebration was short-lived when Trump's economic advisors pointed out a critical flaw.... America doesn't actually produce anything anymore.

Another Wealth Transfer

Sources close to the former president say the realization hit him like a ton of Chinese-made bricks. “Wait, you’re telling me that everything is imported?” Trump reportedly asked in disbelief, pausing mid-tweet. “What about cars? Toasters? Those little flags we wave at rallies?” A senior advisor sheepishly informed him that, yes, even the MAGA hats were manufactured overseas. Witnesses claim Trump then muttered, “Sad. Very sad,” before instructing aides to find a way to "spin it positively."

As reality set in, economists warned that the tariffs would primarily hit American consumers, forcing them to pay 25% more for everyday items like clothing, electronics, and even their beloved fast food packaging. “We were already struggling to afford groceries,” lamented one frustrated voter. “Now I have to take out a loan just to buy a microwave that was made in Vietnam.” Meanwhile, big-box retailers are bracing for impact, with Walmart reportedly considering rebranding itself as “Walmart-but-25%-More.”

Broke Ass Yanks

Despite the backlash, Trump remains undeterred. In a hastily called press conference, he doubled down on his strategy, proclaiming, “We’ll make America great again by taxing things people don’t even need like phones and shoes.” He then added, “People should be buying American, even if there's nothing American to buy.” Critics argue that the tariffs only serve to punish the average citizen while doing little to reignite domestic production. Even Trump’s closest allies are reportedly struggling to justify the move, with one advisor quietly admitting, “Honestly, we didn’t think it through. But have you seen the polling? People love it.”

Meanwhile, the American public is left to grapple with skyrocketing prices and dwindling hope that affordable goods will ever return. As one bewildered shopper put it, “I always thought ‘Made in America’ was just a nice slogan. I didn’t realize it was extinct.”

With the tariff train barreling ahead at full speed, it remains to be seen whether Trump's economic gamble will pay off, or if Americans will just have to start knitting their own socks.